Single & Secure 💍

Hopefully you've read my post Insecure like Issa. You'd know that singleness is an area of my life that I've wrestled with. I spent years feeling 'less than' because of my relationship status. It took me a while to acknowledge and own my worth. When you know your worth, you exude confidence. This will prevent you from seeking validation from anyone, especially a man. Remember love, your single season was meant for you to do what makes YOU feel COMPLETE. I feel like there was a silent rule that stated your single season will be accomplished when you're successfully snatched by a man. WRONG! The whole point is to become WHOLE. The notion that I had to find my other half, is something that I had to strip away. Check it, if two individuals aren't complete within themselves, when they come together, you'll get two broken people attempting to piece together a relationship. Now, for me particularly, this is my season for my purpose to be birthed. I think I so kindly mismanaged my focus 🙃, that I started questioning what God had in store for me. I got my confirmation in a variety of ways, and realized that it was never about being ready for someone, but getting ready to be launched into my purpose. He wanted me to be concerned about me. That's why it's a single season - uno, you, one, alone.

I get it, maybe you want to date or maybe you just want someone to talk to. But dating to get attention from someone because you're bored, is even worse. I've learned that dating should be intentional AND FUN! Let me explain. It's about data collection. Kinda sorta like sampling the field to see what's out there and who aligns with your non-negotiables. You'll at least know what you want and what you despise. At this stage of the game, I personally think that 'going out for the free meal’, is played. If he doesn’t challenge you mentally, the conversation lacks depth, or he isn’t intentional about pursuing you, was the meal really worth it? I like being home (sometimes - truth be told, I'm the perfect mix between "wear heels" and "ariiiite, it's sleepy time"), but if you’re not worth my energy or time, no thank you 🤚🏾 you I’ll cook.

Sis, it’s not about finding a man! “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22 NIV So why are you chasing after him? And while you're busy chasing, your crown is tilting. 😱 ghetto! This is not a race. Secondly, what are you doing FOR YOU in this season? It took me a minute to realize that being busy didn’t equate to productivity. I hear a lot of people say “oh just stay busy and he’ll find you along the way”. If you’re so busy, how will you notice him! Being productive in this season means, being ... you got it! IN ALIGNMENT! Full disclosure, in this season I have been investing in workshops that pour into my vision, learning about wealth, focusing on becoming my best self each and every day. Oh! I also took a workshop that caters to the single women who want to intentionally prepare for marriage. You see, before this particular season, I was dependent on my pretty looks and distinctions to do the work for me, in attracting a man worthy of my time. Now, not to be boastful, but I’m a catch! However, if I’m unable to hold a well-rounded conversation, these pretty looks won’t attract the least attractive man in the room. I read in a magazine some years ago, that when you’re dating, you have to be interesting. NOBODY, wants a 'WYD' man or woman. If you’re 'WYD’ing' me to death, you clearly aren’t doing anything! Now THAT, is unattractive. Please believe, that the man you’re ultimately supposed to spend your life with, is also aligning himself with God's purpose for his life, and working on himself in his single season.

Be the person, that the person you're looking for, is looking for.

Lastly, don’t be single and stuck. PLEASE go watch Relationship Goals Reloaded: Single & Stuck by Rich Wilkerson Jr. He said, there are three things you need to do to prevent being stuck in this season. Step one - focus on you. What have I been saying! Focus on bettering yourself in every aspect of life. Your relationship should be an added bonus. Step two - be the minority (stay with me). He literally says, how is he (your future husband) going to find you if you look like every other girl on Instagram. Stand out! Be different. Girl, clean up that page. Be presentable. Step three - break up with your toxic mindset. You can’t be stuck on the failures and expect to achieve success. The scale won't be balanced. Transform your mindset to believing that you are worthy; you are intentionally being hidden so that you can be discovered. The relationship is NOT the final destination, it’s all apart of your journey.

“...YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH, YOU’D QUIT GIVING PEOPLE DISCOUNTS...”

Rich Wilkerson Jr. (Lead Pastor of Vous Church)