Self Love

The term is pretty self-explanatory if you ask me. Loving oneself wholeheartedly. It took me some time to truly embrace myself. Growing up I liked myself but I don’t think I understood how to truly love myself. There was a moment in time where I wanted to be light-skinned. Dear Lord 🙌🏾  bless my young, and naive soul because I knew no better. Ain't nothing wrong with light-skinned but I'm chocolate sis, it wasn't gon' change. Follow me on this. I remember my aunt visited from London, and I could’ve been around seven years old. As much as she wasn’t necessarily light-skinned per se, she was of fearer complexion than I was. I’ll never forget telling her that I wanted to be her complexion because, in my eyes, that was beautiful. I grew up in a culture that impressed upon me that long-haired, fear skin girls were the plug. Now, when you add my chocolate skin and thick kinky-curly tresses into the mix, where do I fit in?

See when the standard was to conform to the creamy crack (partially because my grandma was probably tired of combing my hair, and caved when I said I wanted 'cream hair' as Jamaicans say), you don’t learn to appreciate what you already own. I’ve been seeing posts about Jamaica banning dreadlocks in schools; it's really a dumb move if you ask me because dreadlocks was originally connected to Rastafarianism, which is a huge part of the Jamaican culture, but I digress. It’s funny how I went halfway throughout college with my creamy crack until my college roommate went natural. I thought, there was no way that she'd stick it out, but she did kinda. I was so against it before because I felt like it was too much work and I just didn’t want to be bothered. But for the price of love, I was constantly paying for scalp burns and self-diagnosed seborrheic dermatitis. I am not knocking you if that’s what you’re into, because I have my moments when I think about going back BUT this is MY truth. I went natural for the experience of something new; also because I was tired of wash and sets, wearing wraps doobie to class when it rained and on regular days 🙃, THE DRYER 🔥, THE BURNS ☄️, rushing to the sink because the relaxer was on that section for way too long, and if you didn't wash it out you'd be bald. Those WERE NOT the good old days.  

There are things about me that I used to be ashamed of, like my sideburns. There have been people who've exclaimed that I was hairy, or asked how I would get a man with my sideburns, why don't I shave them etc. In my earlier teen years, I was extremely self-conscious about it. NOW, Ashley Reneé applies gel to her burns like they're her edges and keeps it pushing! Yes, I acknowledged myself in the third person ... problem? My dad will always joke around and say, "let's shave". Understand that he's a girl dad, poor thing 😂 [he always wanted a boy], so any opportunity he sees fit, he takes it, even if it means shaving his daughter's sideburns 🙄. Unless there is a way to change something about yourself ie. exercise, diet, public speaking lessons, you have to come to terms with it. Know that unless you love yourself wholeheartedly, no one else will.

My previous post, POWER IN THE TONGUE, speaks on the all the ways in which you need to speak positivity over your life. THAT, is also a part of self-love. When you truly embark on a journey to loving yourself, flaws and all, it will be evident. Have you ever noticed how some people have a spirit of joy no matter what they're going through in life? That's probably because they're spiritually grounded, and they speak positive affirmations to themselves on a daily basis. Trust me when I say it changes things. Focus on loving yourself instead of pleasing everyone else. There were times I found myself paying attention to everyone else on social media then wondering why I felt so miserable in my own life. Stop using others' lives as the foundation for your own. It's a very destructive thing to do because you can never live up to standards that you didn't set. Comparison, once again, is the thief of joy. Two of the fruits of the spirit are love and joy. If you deplete them by looking at someone else's grass, guess what? Yours will never get greener.  

Let's bring it back to basics. God made us in His own image, and God is love. "He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." John 4:8 So when we constantly degrade ourselves with negative affirmations and self-talk, we are devaluing His creation. He never spoke negativity upon us, we did. We allow social media and naysayers, to dictate how we see ourselves, and the result usually causes us to cower to norms that we weren't meant to uphold. Have you ever wondered why all these successful celebrities commit suicide or attempt it? Many times, those who live to tell the tale, will confess that they weren't happy with themselves or their lives. There is a foundational issue. Be kind enough to yourself that you can accept your deepest, darkest secrets and still be able to love yourself for the woman you are, and are becoming. Self-love allows you to extend love into other areas of your life, by loving others equally. Chile! Ha! Revelations on deck! Makes sense why racism is still rampant and there is so much hate in the world right? If people were more loving and accepting of themselves, they wouldn't be so offended and intimidated by others' mere existence. I digress.

Break away from anything that makes you feel inadequate. May it be the words you speak, the posts you look at, or the people you surround yourself with. I want to encourage you to embark on that journey. Spend at least 5 minutes at the start of your day, speaking positivity over yourself. Embrace what you already own. Learn to appreciate all the things that make you, you.

"LOVE YOURSELF, GIRL, OR NOBODY WILL ..."

Jermaine Cole, Crooked Smile