Relationship Goals

Girlfriend, if you haven’t watched Relationship Goals/Relationship Goals Reloaded series by Mike Todd, or the Baewatch series by Dr. Dharius Daniels ... you’re welcome! Now, I’ve watched both, AND read the Relationship Goals book 🙌🏾 got my life in order!

Let me start off by saying that my view on relationships prior to my current revelation, was crap! It was very superficial. I understood communication and sacrifice and negotiation and agree to disagree et cetera, but I wanted the cute stuff more. Again, social media often projected false images of relationships and I just soaked it all up. The truth is, even some of the best looking relationships, have their issues. Being in an intimate relationship with someone, digs deeper than just dating, engagement, the cute pictures and marriage.

Let’s go deeper. As I was watching Relationship Goals, Pastor Mike revealed something crazy to me. He said - a lot of people get into relationships without first doing the work in their single season. Basically, there are a lot of folk in relationships or marriages, that never took the time to discover their purpose, to explore their likes and dislikes and truly understand themselves as individuals. This leads to disagreements, blowouts, and both parties being misunderstood. He also said that being in a relationship causes you to expose yourself - your significant other will forever expose your truths/insecurities/bad habits. Your significant other becomes your mirror. Think about it love, if you don’t know yourself, imagine dragging someone else into the picture. Chiiile, it may be good, bad or ugly, but he will tell you about yourself and if you aren’t privy to that piece of information, your stomach will be on tilt.

Now, if you’re like me, you may start to think a bit differently. Did I tell you this is the most peaceful I’ve felt in any single season? Lol whew!🙌🏾 I had to step all the way back and just acknowledge all the ways in which I needed to change and improve. My biggest area was getting back to my center - being in relationship with God, NOT situationship. I was constantly praying and yearning for discernment and wisdom. Revelation - God speaks through His word and through His people. Through reading the Bible, watching sermons, doing my devotionals and aligning with people who serve Him through their calling, I saw that I had to be intentional. I wanted a relationship so badly, that I didn’t care WHAT or WHO it was serving. Now I understand that if my relationship doesn’t ultimately serve Gods purpose for my life, then what’s the point? You see, marriage is about covenant. If He’s not at the center of the relationship then guess what, it’s going to be completely off-centered.

Another thing, y’all have to be equally yoked. No, the scripture doesn’t say anything about being equally yoked, with regards to relationships; however it did say: 2 Corinthians 6:14 ‘Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?’ If we apply this concept to relationships, I take it to mean that your person should share your faith, values and beliefs, and understand the calling on your life. Picture this, you’re with this cute guy. He’s 6’3, tall, dark and handsome, with the perfect body, dresses well, smells amazing, when he smiles you melt, but when you get to talking about your 5 year plan, he’s only thought about next week. Or maybe you’ve shared with him where you’re being called to serve, and he is not supportive. How about him being the party animal and you’re the quiet homebody, or as some say "churchgirl". There WILL ALWAYS be a disconnect. Yes, I do believe opposites attract; but you're mate shouldn't have opposing views on what is to be the basis of your relationship. So let’s reframe this. Maybe you've got your whole life figured out and he doesn't, but you've both individually devised a five year plan. You share your calling and he utilizes his purpose to push you towards your destiny. He likes attending events and is spontaneous, but he knows what serves you and sees it fit to include you in his plans.

I don’t know about you, but my relationship goals have been restructured. If you’re single in this season but desire a relationship, find your center. Pastor Mike said RIP UP THE LIST! Because chances are it was superficial to begin with. If you’re really serious about these goals, write a non-negotiables list. A list that is explicit; if this man doesn’t present with certain qualities, he ain’t it. Sis, trust me, it won’t matter if he looks like Kofi Siriboe, Lance Gross or Michael B. Jordan, if his faith isn’t at the core of his being,

HE 👏🏾 IS 👏🏾 NOT 👏🏾 THE 👏🏾 ONE.

If you did the work in your single season, realign your relationship goals to reflect that. However, if you're in a relationship, maybe you want to have a moment of introspection, revise your list of what serves you, and ensure that you and your partner are on the same page. You won't arrive at your desired destination, with someone who doesn't desire to go there with you. Chile that'll only result in entanglements.

Ha! I'm out ✌🏾