It's Not In Vain

So as I was writing last Friday's post, I decided to catch up on Station 19 the spinoff firefighting show from Grey's Anatomy starring the fine Boris Kodjoe (please don't delete me 🌚). As with everything else in 2020, most media have featured the main star, COVID. I promise I won't spoil the show for anyone.

Lately I've been feeling a bit down and that should be no surprise to you because I laid it all out in Find Your Happy. Just knowing that we've been on a hamster wheel trying to survive has been taking a toll on me, and going into the holiday season which usually cheers me up, is feeling dull this year. As I was watching the show, there were so many chords that were struck and I found myself crying and just thanking God for my current state. The term "healthcare hero" holds great value; I don't like to be in the spotlight, mostly because I don't do things for recognition because I get sweaty and nervous and get palpitations and tongue-tied - it gets weird. But watching the show and getting a mirror image of what took place in the past couple months, hit a bit different.

Here I am complaining that I need a break from all this knowing that it damn well doesn't work that way - this ain't Gilad's workout program, you can't just click pause. When there are people who depend on folks like myself, who showed up relentlessly, to cater to others during a time of great need. To be honest, and this may sound like a contradiction because I go HARD for rest and relaxation, I felt ungrateful. When the pandemic first hit, I was definitely in no mood to be working on a COVID floor. But I sucked it up, sang my songs and got through. Now, I'm like well God jeez, I'm tired! But it's not about me.

How many times do you bust your ass It's not a cussword - it means donkey, and feel like nothing becomes of it? Then you feel like giving up because you feel like your effort is going unnoticed. It happens to all of us. It doesn't help with the uncertainties of life, that we are just constantly going, not knowing when we will get that big break. I cannot say when things will go back to "normal" or if they ever will. However, if you are anything like me bottling up your emotions and trying to process everything just to stay sane, just know that where you are in life, what you are doing, how you're doing, is not in vain. He sees and knows everything.

I spoke about His greater plan in my last post. We won't always understand the why, when, where, what or how, but just know that in the midst of the storm, He will deliver. If you're not dead which I would hope not cuz that would freaky, then it means that He is STILL working on you. After I cried, I looked in the mirror and laughed. Because I needed that gentle nudge. It may seem like a never-ending cycle, but I know who is in control.

Your hard work, will not go in vain. Keep the faith and know that He will deliver.