Don't Force It

After a cute road trip with two of my girlfriends, I walked to my car in the hotel parking lot. I uttered the words "Hi baby" and no, not to my non-existent boyfriend, but my car. I usually greet her that way after not seeing her for more than a couple hours we have a bond, don't judge me. We loaded her up and got in. As I went to depress the brake pedal to start the car, all I heard was stuttering and saw lights flickering. If you know me, you know that I do not like unexpected surprises. I know what you're thinking 'Ash, aren't all surprises unexpected?' Well. honey bun, this one threw me for a loop. I had one of those moments where I had to collect my thoughts in point two seconds, and just act.

Immediately my girls were telling me to call roadside assistance and to see if someone else in the lot could give us a jump. All the while in my head I'm like "why now?"

Of course the entire time I'm trying to keep my cool. I was more annoyed than anything. While waiting I called my dad to update him. Shortly after, the owners for the car parked beside mine walks over, and the woman asks if we're okay. Immediately she says "my husband is a mechanic!" He was insistent on helping and I thought "what do I have to lose? The battery can't be any more dead right?" He gives it a shot with he cute portable jumpstarter; I try the ignition and nothing. I was devastated because I'd had a little ounce of hope. He then waveringly reassures me that roadside assistance will be of more help and once the car starts, don't stop the car until my final destination.

About thirty minutes later, roadside assistance arrives. Papi yes, fix your face, brings out the big guns. He connects his jumper and one push of a button and the engine turns over. When I say I could hug him! I literally told him, but y'know given the situation I refrained. After almost three hours of driving and my engine running smoothly, I decide not to stop at the gas station thanks to my intuition but to go straight home. I shut the car off, restart it instantly and it still worked. Can you say elated? I run in, put my stuff down, use the bathroom, and run right out less than five minutes. You know what happened next right? Absolutely nothing. The car literally stuttered in front of my eyes. You know in some movies where they can't curse? Mhm, that was me #@$^$. Here I am, trying to move on with my day, and the car won't start. After getting my neighbor and my dad to look at the battery, jump it, switch it out, still ... nothing. I run to the dealership, and the parts department is closed which why would they be open according to the times listed in their hours of operation right?

A mechanic at the dealership advises me to go to a third-party store to get a new battery. So said, so done. We get back home, the car starts and does its thing. I kept wondering to myself, "ok Lord, what are you trying to teach me?" After the charades, I thought to myself, that no matter how much you can mask something, its true colors will always show. Even though I got a jump from roadside assistance that was able to get me over three hours home, once I got home the battery knew that was it. She, yes she, wasn't going to give me false hope that she would work in the near future. Her time had expired. It was time for a change.

On Tuesday morning and I start my car and everything goes as planned. Fast forward to night time and I'm having a conversation with a friend of mine about a situation, and literally heard the revelation "don't force it". Literally blew my mind. I'll give you some back story. My battery was already weak in the parking lot. When I got the jumpstart, it allowed me to drive straight home without ceasing. Drove smooth like it was fresh off the car mart parking lot. When I got home, however, the battery knew I said what I said, that it ain't have no more juice. So when my giddy self got in ta'lm bout I'm finna get gas, it said "NO". I was literally forcing her to work, for my benefit. But let me tell you! In life, things don't work that way. This is not BK you can't always have it your way. You know how many times I've wanted things to happen the way I saw it and God surely put a 2-foot high-speed bump in my path. Probably sitting on his throne-like "look at this girl after I done told her no!"

My spiritual journey has brought me to a place where I can honestly laugh about some things or just trust that it will work out, instead of crying or getting mad. Did I question my battery being dead? OF COURSE! I really didn't need that at that moment we were hot and almost hangry. But I understood that I had to trust the process. How many times have you tried to force a ponytail, a relationship, your size 10 butt into those size 8 jeans knowing damn well it won't work ... I'm guilty 😂🙋🏾‍♀️. Listen, I'm just stating facts. When I first started writing this post on Monday night, it was after the escapades that happened earlier in the day. Sometimes I have a sermon or song on my heart that ties into my post, and sometimes I don't. But I was thinking and bloop, thought of Abraham and Sarah.

Y'all know the story right? God told Abram (Abraham) He was going to give them a promise. Sarai (Sarah) and Abram were ancient so they tried to speed up the process well Sarai did shame on her. She willingly gave her mans up to sleep with the help (Hagar) like whet? Boom! They birthed Ishmael. God was like ... 🤨 in my head "ain't nobody tell you to do all that bro" [Please read Genesis 16]. Abram and Sarai were forcing God's promise to come to life. IT. DON'T. WORK. LIKE. THAT! I'm sure I've expressed this in prior posts. You have to be obedient and understand if it is His will, He will make it happen in His timing. I was having a convo with a friend of mine and told her that this blog wasn't birthed out of boredom. It was birthed because I prayed for my purpose to be revealed and as I discovered who I was, I understood what needed to be done. Do I move every time God says to move or wait accordingly? NO. But when I do I kick myself for not listening earlier.

I've seen myself change in so many ways in the last year alone, that I know that when you give up that dead battery (the old car, toxic friends, addictions, draining job, relationship, you name it) and stop forcing your wants on God's plan, HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. Like Ishmael and Isaac, understand that what you do won't deter the promise ... it might delay the process (or stall/carry you a little further in some senses), but eventually, for the long-term, you will have to get a new battery. Stephanie Ike said it like this in You Are Not Ordinary, Ishmael was for Abraham (out of fear), Isaac was for the people FROM God (from an encounter with God). Basically, you can't mask what God puts His hands on with what you create. It will prove to be an impostor.

Chiiiile! in my SJR voice, I am done. This word was for me in so many ways but I really hope this blesses you. This past weekend alone was a blessing in disguise. Throw out that old battery because it'll only give you headache and heartache. TRUST ME! Oh and ...

"WHAT IS FOR YOU, WILL NOT PASS YOU"

- Unknown